(Warning: Links are pretty much 100% guaranteed to contain adult content, NSFW.)

Yes, ladies and gents, ’tis that time again! Time to break out the assless chaps, dust off that little piggy nose and curly tail plug for the bottom of your choice and hit the streets in the largest leather and fetish event in the world (it’s true, I looked it up online)- Folsom Street Fair!

There is some great entertainment this year- One of the favorite bands on my running playlists, Shiny Toy Guns, will be playing at 5 pm (opposite stage from Berlin, so Rob and I need to ro-sham-bo to decide where we’ll be. Boo! The English Beat will be performing as well.)

As you may know, Folsom Street Fair Sunday is one of me and Rob’s favorite days of the entire year, and we do it up right each year. Not only is it a day that can only ever exist in San Francisco, it is one hell of an excuse to whip your flabby ass into shape (or just whip your flabby ass, I suppose.)

Despite Rob’s recent business trips, we are both in “beat the bloat” mode in final preparation for Sunday and costumed finery of all sorts is slowly invading the FitLifeSF compound.

To help you track your fitness goals while at the Fair, here are calories burned from some of the activities you may participate in (courtesy of CaloriesPerHour.com , the most comprehensive list of calories by activity that I’ve been able to find. Where no exact activity was listed, the equivalent is indicated.)

Tying Up Your Favorite Someone: 46 calories (‘Wrapping Presents”)

Grooming your Favorite Horsie:107 calories (“Horse Care: Grooming”)

“Caulking a Log Cabin”: 153 calories (Is this a euphemism? CaloriesPerHour.com listed it and it was too good to pass up.)

Serving your Special Someone as a “Chambermaid”: 77 calories

Giving a light Flogging: 77 calories (“Conducting Music”)

Giving a Heavy Flogging: 520 calories (“Chopping Wood Fast”)

Helping Your Drunk Friend to the Car: 122 calories (“Caring for Disabled Adult”)

Getting your Serious Queer on In a Cage above Folsom Street: 138 calories (“Disco Dancing”)

Finding your Folsom Street Fling: 107 calories (“Chasing Livestock, Walking.”)

Giving a light paddling: 122 calories (“Ping Pong”)

Shaving all the exposed parts you never think to shave the rest of the year: 61 calories.

“Branding”: 184 calories

Various and Sundry Other Unmentionable Activities: 92 calories (ie. “Milking Cows by Hand.”)

Friends of FitLifeSF are invited to join us for our little adventure, just email or text me or Rob if you want to hook up. We’ll be down there all day!